So, that was 2007. Did you enjoy it? Good. I had quite a good year, thanks for asking- here's a highly derivitive rundown of the good and the bobbins from while the Earth's been hurtling round it's most recent lap of the Sun.
Living the Dream:
Robert FitzRoy- The chances are you've never heard of Robert FitzRoy but his is a story that never fails to make me smile. In 1831, FitzRoy set off on an expedition in his ship to chart coastal waters all over the world for the British Government, a job that was to take him 5 years. Knowing he would be away for such a length of time, and unable as a man of gentlemanly stature to spend his time with any of the serfs who would actually be manning the ship, FitzRoy decided to bring a companion with him- someone who fancied a bit of adventure and had no trobule leaving England behind for half a decade. The man would also have to be of a pastoral bent as the expedition was to have a extra agenda of FitzRoy's own- he was determined to find genuine evidence of God's creation of Earth. He was looking, essentially for the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve. So he took along a man who had just gained a degree in Divinity from Cambridge University and was about to take up the life of a vicar when FitzRoy came calling.
FitzRoy's ship for this voyage was HMS Beagle and his chosen companion was called Charles Darwin.
This is now my favourite story in history. It happened 176 years before 2007 but I only found out about it this year so it makes the list.
Neon Bible- The Arcade Fire returned this year with their second album- which sounded pretty much like the first album crossed with the end of the world. Other honourable mentions go to half the Arctic Monkey's second album, Simian Mobile Disco and The Hold Steady's 'Boys and Girls in America' which sounds like the best bar-band playing in the best bar in Chicago.
Die Hard 4.0- For THAT scene with THAT car and THAT helicopter and THAT tunnel.
Roque Santa Cruz- Suddenly, a shimmering piece of South American beef has arrived in East Lancashire with all the nonchalant cool of the lead singer of The Strokes smoking oysters. Even on a cold post-Christmas night at the City of Manchester Stadium he still strode round like he was playing footie on a beach with a crowd of pneumatic bronze Amazonian women in dental-floss bikinis looking on admiringly between salsa dances.
Oz and James Big Wine Adventure- This would be the cosiest, middle-England-pleasing smug-cast on television if it wasn't for the latent love-story between the two hosts. On their respective tours of France and California Oz Clarke has been the nervous, eager-to-please, Eurocentric, modern Brit abroad- desperate to show all the locals he meets how much he knows about their culture whilst cooing over their wines, while James May slouches around being suspicious of everything foreign and wearing fetching t-shirts, usually with British motorcycle manufacturers emblazoned across the front. In the end, however, Clarke clearly comes to be fascinated by May's breezy charm and acute intelligence, while James obviously adores Oz for his depth of knowledge and sneaky sense of mischief. It's like Strangers on a Train, but with wine instead of murder.
Having a Mare:
Skins- Bad enough to make a man pine for Hollyoaks: In The City. Filled with the sort of edgy dialogue (lots of naughty words) and racy content (some spliffs, bit of vomiting, occasional tits) that Channel 4 exectuives in their late 30's think makes for cutting-edge teen television. No wonder the kids all watch Scrubs instead.
The Cadburys Gorilla Advert- Yes it was funny the first hundred times but it came dangerously close to making the music of Phil Collins popular again. Stop. Before. It's. Too. Late.
Blade Runner: The Final Cut- Ridley Scott twats about with the adventures of Deckard once again for no apparent reason other than to make it even more obvious that Harrison Ford is actually a unicorn, or something.
Chris Benoit- And to think there are people who say wrestling's fake.
The Sopranos- Fittingly, the best TV show ever went out with the best ending ever. Should be in with the very best things of the year but the sheer joy of a new episode has been sucked out of my world and that's a deep wound to bandage over. Hopefully David Chase won't now pull an Aaron Sorkin and go on to create a spectacularly self-indulgent televisual mis-fire that crushes expectations quicker than it crushes Matt Perry's career.
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